Chapter 412

Historic coincidences

1947 & 1948 - Do You Believe In Coincidences?

The year was 1947. Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, 70+ years ago, numerous witnesses claim that an Unidentified Flying Object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known incident that many say has long been covered-up by the U.S. Air Force, as well as other Federal Agencies and Organizations. However, what you may NOT know is that during the month of April, year 1948, nine months after the historic day, the following people were born:

· Mike Pence
· Donald Trump
· Mitch McConnell

This is the obvious consequence of aliens breeding with sheep and jackasses. I truly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of things for you. It certainly did for me.

There are three things that cannot be easily hidden, the Sun, the Moon, and the Truth.

Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life:

SIMPLE TRUTH 1:

Lovers help each other undress before sex. However, after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2:

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, “Congrats.” But, none of them comes up to the man- touch his penis and say, “Good Job”

Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:

1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it’s far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole’s name.

3. If you help someone when they’re in trouble - they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.

5. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULES:

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.

I think all Politicians should wear uniforms. You know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors!

Also, all Politicians should serve only two terms, one term in office and one term in jail.