Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 400
A few Gems from Dorsetmike
Having stolen a truckload of inflatable mattresses, the gang had to lilo for a while.
What is brown and fizzy and lives in eucalyptus trees? Coca-Koala.
How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.
What do you call a red haired baker?
A ginger bread man.
My old Granddad always used to say ‘when one door closes another opens’
Lovely man. Rubbish cabinet maker.
Be careful what you binge eat. Yesterday I ate a can of alphabet soup and today I had the largest vowel movement ever.
Q: Which song is known for inciting new-borns to altercate with with a small classical Greek string instrument vaguely similar to a small harp?
A: “Come on baby fight my lyre”.
Q. What’s covered in cling film and swings through the bell tower in a cathedral?
A. The lunch pack of Notre Dame!
A story from Reltney McFee New Joke Candidate.
The Flood Joke
There was this guy, lived in New Orleans. The news announced that The! Big! Hurricane! Was on the way, and everybody ought to evacuate to higher ground, inland.
The guy shrugged, and said, “I will trust in The Lord!”
The storm approached closer, water was running in the streets. The police drove through, over their loudspeakers they warned everybody to pack up, get out, and get far inland and far uphill.
The guy shrugged, and said, “I will trust in The Lord!”
The water got higher. The fire department sent their engines through the neighborhoods. With the high clearance, an engine could navigate the streets. They pulled up, and directed the guy, “Grab what you can grab, right now! We’ll back up to your steps, and take you to the shelter!”
The guy waved them off. “I put my trust in The Lord! Go save somebody else, who does not have my faith!”
The National Guard soon paddled up. The water was washing in and out of the guy’s first floor. The guardsmen looked into the house, and found the guy seated in his bedroom. “Get out here, we can row you to safety!”, they directed.
“Naw, I’m putting my trust in The Lord! Go save somebody who does not have The Lord protecting them!”
Soon, the guy retreated into his attic, and, soon after, knocked a hole in his roof and retreated from the rising waters onto his roof. The Coast Guard had a chopper patrolling, saw the guy, and hovered overhead. “Tie yourself into the rope! We can pull you to safety!”, they ordered.
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