Chapter 397

HarryCarton’s submission, very interesting.

For purposes of this joke, pretend the President isn’t Trump, or Obama, or Bush or anyone else in particular.

The President of the U.S. is campaigning for re-election. He goes to an isolated American Indian town with his entourage, to give a speech. The Leader of the Indian Nation welcomes him and after a brief introduction, stands back to listen.

“My fellow Americans,” begins the Pres. “I’m from Washington, and I’m here to help you.”

“HUZZANGA,” roars the audience.

“We will build roads and schools,” says the Pres.

“HUZZANGA,” from the crowd.

“My government will build you a hospital, and the army will supply medical professionals.”

“HUZZANGA,” again says the populace.

The President is happy at the reception. He goes to the local leader and says he would like to stroll around the town.

“Oh, sure. That would be fine,” says the local. “But be careful. We don’t have any corrals for the animals, so you’ll find horses and cattle roaming around. Don’t step in the huzzanga!”

Thank Kkaenyne for this one

2011 Top 8 Idiots

Number One Idiot

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her, that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here’s your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number Two Idiot

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.

Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.

They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here’s your sign, guys. Don’t get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Three Idiot

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, “Put all your muny in this bag.”

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.

She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.