Chapter 395

Thanks to Pedant for this one

Boris Johnson goes to a little rural village and asks them what he and his government can do for the local people.

“We have two major problems,” says a local official. “Firstly, we have a health center, but no doctor working there.”

Boris whips out his phone and talks into it for a minute. “I have made a call to my team in Westminster,” he announces, “and we’re going to have an absolutely top-notch doctor here next week to cater to everyone’s needs! What was the second problem?”

“There’s no phone signal anywhere in the village.”

British Humor Survives the Threat of Brexit...

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat in their home cooked burgers. Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are “small amounts” of horse meat in their burgers.

Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK. Within hours of the news that Tesco’s ‘all beef hamburgers’ contained 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a horse ... I guess Tesco just listened!

Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?

Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.

Had some burgers from Tesco for supper last night ... I still have a bit between my teeth.

A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is listed as stable.

Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.

“I’ve just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer... “AND THEY’RE OFF!”

Tesco is now forced to deny the presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

I said to my spouse, “These Tesco burgers give me the trots...

“To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian”...

A cow walks into a bar.
Barman says, “Why the long face?”
Cow says “Illegal ingredients are coming over here stealing our jobs!”

I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d’oeuvres.

These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit ... Talk about flogging a dead horse.

Since they’re selling the meat wrapped in plastic, is that technically a “Trojan Horse?”

Instead of choosing “rare, medium or well done, it’s now Win, Place or Show”

At first, I thought, “Oh great, I’ve been saddled with another email to forward, but something spurred me on.”