Chapter 39

This one is compliments of Chaon‎

Ellen: She is such a skank.

Tracy: Yeah I know. I wish she would get hit by a truck.

Ellen: I wish she would get hit by a train and then drown.

Tracy: I wish she would drown in a barrel of acid.

Ellen: I wish she would step on a Lego.

Tracy: Now hold on a minute. That’s getting a bit much. We don’t want her to be really hurt.

Thank Sbrooks for this one!!!

The Deaf Mute Bowling League

Mike’s in town, goes to visit his friend Joe at his second job working at the local bar.

After the usual greetings Joe says, “Hey, Mike, you’ve done some bar tending, working two jobs has me beat, would you mind covering for me while I take a nap in the back room?”

“Sure, Joe, no problem!”

“There’s just one thing. Tonight’s the night the deaf mute bowling league comes in, but don’t worry, we’ve got a system worked out: thumbs up beer, thumbs down whiskey.”

“Up, beer, down, whiskey. Got it.”

Everything’s going fine, the deaf mute bowling league comes in, and sure enough thumbs up, thumbs down, everything’s cool.

Suddenly, a guy at one end of the bar holds his arm up in the air and flaps his fingers and thumb together. Before Mike has a chance to figure it out the guy at the other end does the same thing, and soon they’re all doing it.

In a panic he runs into the back room and shakes Joe awake.

“Joe, Joe, I don’t know what’s going on,” and explains what happened.

Joe slaps the side of his head. “Fuck, they’ve started singing, now they’ll be here all night!”

What does a JAP (Jewish American Princess) make for dinner? Reservations.

What’s Jewish foreplay? Thirty minutes of begging.

How do you know when a JAP has an orgasm? She drops her nail file.