Chapter 387

A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract the attention of a spectacular young blond.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, “So, you finish”... ?

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No”...

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed...

This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion...

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, “You finish”... ?

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, “No”...

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again...

Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets...

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping...

Struggling to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asks again,

“You finish”... ?

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blonde whispers in his ear,

“No, I Norwegian”

✧ ✧ ✧

A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

‘About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’

Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’

Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’

They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay ... How old am I?’

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’

‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.

✧ ✧ ✧

This Gem is a product of Irvmull

Thought of the Day:
Young minds are like cheap underwear -
the more you wash ‘em,
the more they shrink.

By the time you reach college,
there’s no room for balls.
Unlike underwear, however,
minds can be completely empty

and full of shit
at the same time.

Today’s message brought to you by the Association of Liberal Arts Schools (ALAS) where our motto is

~ “Thinking is hard, let us do it for you, you racist homophobic white bigot!” ~

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