Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 374
This one is compliments of mihickman:
Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar.
Tiger turns to Stevie and says, “How’s the singing career going?
Stevie replies, “Not too bad. How’s the golf?”
Woods replies, “Not too bad. I’ve had some problems with my swing but I think I’ve got that right now.”
Stevie: “I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then the next time I play, it seems to be all right.”
Surprised, Tiger says, “You play GOLF?!!”
Stevie: “Yes, I’ve been playing for years.”
Tiger: “But ... you’re blind! How can you play golf if you can’t see?”
Stevie: “Well, I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddie moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.”
“But, how do you putt?” asks Tiger.
“Well”, says Stevie, “I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.”
Tiger: “What’s your handicap?”
Stevie: “Well, actually I’m a scratch golfer.”
Woods: incredulous says to Stevie, “We’ve got to play a round sometime.”
Stevie: “Well, people don’t take me seriously, so I only play for money. And I never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?”
Woods thinks about it and says, “I can afford that. OK I’m game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?”
Stevie: “You pick a night.”
Cletus is passing by Billy Bob’s hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall-down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.
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