Chapter 37

OUCH

1) Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.

2) How do you embarrass an archeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him which period it came from.

3) What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?

A whore sleeps with everybody at the party; A bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

4) What’s the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

5) What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

6) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

7) What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

8) What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse’s ass?

A mechanic.

9) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

10) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

The one who can eat the last donut.

11) Jewish dilemma: Free PORK.

12) The three words men hate to hear most during sex: ‘Are you in?’

13) The three words women hate to hear most during sex: ‘Honey, I’m home!’