Chapter 365

Some thoughts from dorsetmike

I told my wife I want to be cremated

She made me an appointment for next Tuesday.

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers

Him: To be honest I never knew she sold flowers

I asked my grandpa “After 65 years you still call grandma Darling, Beautiful & Honey, what’s the secret?”

He said I forgot her name 5 years ago & I’m scared to ask her.”

I asked my wife “what would you do if I won the lottery?”

She replied “I’d take half and leave you”

“Great” I said, “I won$20, here’s $10, stay in touch”

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News flash from Earl_John13

I hear that Disney is making a 2020 version of Snow White and the six dwarves ... Sneezy is in quarantine!

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Say thanks to msilversickle for this one:

Johnnie the farmhand goes to the farmer and says “Boss Ah thinks Ah’ve bust me thumb” “Wekk, tek it ta the doctor Johnnie”

Doctor says “Johnnie, it’s only sprained. Just stick it up a cows bum for a few minutes”. Johnnie goes home and finds only Mary the milkmaid in the barn No cows.

He explains his problem, and Mary says “ Weel, ye can stick it up me bum if ye wish”

After a minute Mary exclaims “Eee Johnnie, tha’s no me bum!”

“Aye, Mary, tha’s not me thumb”

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A comment from ringmasterjm, which I believe has more then a ring of truth:

I stole this! We have two pandemics:

1. The Corona virus and

2. Stupidity.
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