Chapter 362

Geoffh, submission...

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, “I’m here to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”

The rancher said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”, as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “ Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and pushed it towards the rancher’s face. “See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever the I wish, whenever the I wish ... On any fcking land I wish! No questions asked! Do - you - fcking - understand?!”

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s enormous, angry bull ... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs... “Your badge, officer, show him your f*cking BADGE!!”

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This one is from TLSB

The Lone ranger rode up to a ranch house and the rancher exclaimed, “A masked man! You must be an outlaw!” “No Sir,” replied the Lone Ranger, I only wear this mask because of the coronavirus pandemic.”

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Say thanks to NipSC4328 for this one:

Don’t eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what!!

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends ... Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn’t a chicken sandwich. He said, ‘Hey, how come you’re not eating chicken, don’t you like it anymore?’ She said ‘I love it but I have to stop eating it.’ ‘Why?’ he asked. She pointed to her lap and said ‘Cause I’m starting to grow little feathers down there!’ ‘Let me see’ he said. ‘Okay’ and she showed him ... He looked and said, ‘That’s right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken.’ He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, ‘I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I’m starting to get feathers down there too!’ She asked if she could look, so he showed her!

She said, ‘Oh, my God, it’s too late for you! You’ve already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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These are from Smokeyjoe34

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the salesgirl for 100 condoms. “Fuck me” said the girl. “O.K. then give me 101 then.”

Q. How do the navy separate the men from the boys? A. With a crowbar.

For sale ad in an Irish newspaper. One parachute for sale, used once, never opened.

What’s the difference between a Porcupine and a Ferrari? On a Porcupine all the pricks are on the outside.