Chapter 360

Some Thoughts from doral!!!

Presidential sayings

George Washington - “I cannot tell a lie.”

Donald Trump - “I cannot tell the truth.”

Harry Truman - “The buck stops here.”

Donald Trump - “The buck is someone else’s responsibility.”

Teddy Roosevelt - “Walk softly and carry a big stick.”

Donald Trump - “Talk loudly but make no sense, just ramble on about things that you know nothing about and do not concern anyone at all but find someone else to blame it on because it must be the fault of the Democrats, since they are the root of all problems...”

And this is from mimauk

After suggesting injecting disinfectant to beat covid-19, Trump is being charged with Bleach of the Peace and Domestos Violence

And these are from schop, notice the source 😊

Here are some new jokes to add. They came through my wife’s work email.

* I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I’m cracking a safe.

* I need to practice Social-distancing from the refrigerator

* Still haven’t decided where to go for Easter —The Living Room or The Bedroom.

* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

* Home-schooling is going well. Two students suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job.

* I don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

* This morning I saw my neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came in my house and told my dog ... we laughed a lot.

* Quarantine Day 30: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

* My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

* I’m so excited — it’s time to take out the garbage, What should I wear?

* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

* Day 27 of Home-schooling: My child just said “I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year” ... I’m offended.

A comment from Soronel

Another one (not original though I don’t know the source as I was told verbally while told it was somewhere online), in relation to current COVID-19 school closures:

“My kid started home-schooling today, how do I get him transferred out of my class?!”

And now a weird one from mihickman

A man looking for a little action seeks out the services of a lady of the night. After negotiating a price, the guy explains that he is a bit of a pervert. He’s told not to worry, the experienced lady has seen and done it all. They go back to her place and she undressed and lies on the bed with the lights out.

A few moments later the guy comes out of the bathroom and says, “I’ve finished.”

“What”, she says. I never felt a thing”.

“I told you I was a pervert”, the man replies,” I just crapped in your handbag”