Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 351
Say Thanks to dorsetmike for the following:
A friend of mine got the sack from our local fish and chip shop for sticking his willy in the chip cutter.
I asked him what happened to the chip cutter
“She got the sack as well!”
Ran out of toilet paper and am now using lettuce.
Today was the tip of the iceberg.
I met a woman in a club last night who said she would show me a good time.
We went outside and she ran a 40 meter dash in 4 seconds.
So I’m rubbing away at this old lamp when WHOOOSH a genie appears as they do; true to form he says “What is your wish?”
So after about 2 seconds thought I say “I’d like a new Ferrari please”
“Sorry,” says the genie. “no can do - I’m the Lambourne genie”
Captain Nemo’s submarine ‘Nautilus’ has finally been disarmed.
It is now called the ‘Naughtyless’
A Vicar was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
“Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, “They’re as clean as soap and water could get them.”
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled to her two dogs “Here Soap! ... Here Water!”
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M42 near Birmingham recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
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