Chapter 342

Say thanks to Allan B.

What units are used to measure the integrity of Iranian clerics?
Mullah-grams

You can’t trust Iranian clerics.
Ayattold you so.

The Chinese Coronavirus is also called the Kung Flu.

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, She had so many children, didn’t know what to do.
So she sold the old shoe and doesn’t give a hoot.
She took out a mortgage, now she lives in a boot.

Og the caveman sat in his cave chewing on a mammoth bone. Suddenly his mate ran into the cave screaming, “Og! Og! Come quickly! A sabertooth tiger just ran into mother’s cave.”

“So what”, said Og, tossing the well-gnawed bone over his shoulder. “Who the hell cares what happens to a sabertooth tiger.”

Why did Hillary cross the road?
To get to the other bribe.

I used to think that stick and stones could break my bones, but words could never harm me – until I fell into a printing press.

I have a cousin who could have been an Ex-president of the US. He’s an undertaker for the army – a Barrack Embalmer...

I used to provide Filofaxes for the Mafia.
I was involved in very organized crime.

I had a grandfather who could never throw anything away.
He died in the war, holding on to a hand grenade.

Hepatitis B is a dangerous insect.

Some people like cats. The pope, for example. He’s a Cat-a-holic...

I worked as a doctor for the World Health Organization. I didn’t mean to. I thought I was auditioning for Dr. WHO.

Exam question: Discuss the possibility of time travel.
You have one hour, starting three hours ago.

Another exam question: What is that round thing they throw at the Olympics. Discus.

Dr. : It’s a curvature of the upper spine, but that’s just a hunch.

Your wife left, she’s taken the kids. She even took the dog. All your friends have sided with her. Welcome to Lonely Planet...

For a once in a lifetime experience - Dignitas

In preparation for the school outing, I would like to invite all the gay and lesbian children to the front of the auditorium.