Chapter 308

Quote du Jour

“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.”

­- Troy Gordon

✧ ✧ ✧

A ten year Old Girl asks her mommy, ‘Mommy how was I born?”

The mother smiled and replied, “Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it the earth and I took care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it and smoked it and got so high we fucked without a condom!”

✧ ✧ ✧

Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John’s Nfld. and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment Office.

When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, “Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and Thongs.”

The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer ... And finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80 a week unemployment pay.

Mick was next and when asked his occupation replied, “Diesel fitter.”

Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 a week.

When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, “Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor.”

“What skill?” yelled Paddy. “I sew the elastic on the panties and the thongs. Mick puts them over his head and says: “Yep, diesel fitter!”

✧ ✧ ✧

Donald Trump went to London and met with the Queen.

“Your Queenship, “ he asked her. “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you - how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” replied Her Majesty, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Trump frowned. “But how do you know the people around you are really intelligent?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s easy” the Queen replied. “You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle”.

She pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Theresa May in here.”

The Prime Minister walked into the room. “You called for me, Your Majesty?”

“Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. “ the Queen said. “Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him.

Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office. “Mike, answer this for me,’ said the Don. “Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Pence. “Let me get back to you on that one.

Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.

The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her – much to her surprise.

“Hillary, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye but I would really appreciate it if you could answer this riddle for me

“Sure, Mike “Hillary said. “I’m not one to hold a grudge. What is it?”

“Thanks, said Pence,” It’s this. Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Hillary answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Pence smiled, “Thanks!”

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. “Say, boss, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Hillary Clinton.”

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled at him. “No, you idiot! It’s Theresa May!”

... AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT’S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.