Chapter 29

These two are compliments of Tony S

A lonesome cowboy is on horseback, riding the range, when he is threatened by an enormous rattlesnake, about to strike.

Keeping calm, the cowboy whips out his six-shooter and draws a bead on the snake with a steady hand.

“Wait! Wait! Don’t shoot!” says the snake. “Spare me and I’ll grant you any three wishes you desire!”

“Damn, a talking rattler!” thinks the cowboy, but he figures if the snake can talk, maybe he’s capable of granting wishes, too.

Holding the gun steady, he mulls it over. “Okay, I want a body like Arnold Swartznegger in his prime; I want a face like George Clooney, and I wanna be hung just like this here horse I’m ridin’”

“When you awaken tomorrow, it will all be true!” says the snake, and slithers away.

Next morning in the bunkhouse, the cowboy jumps out of bed, immediately noticing that he has an ideal muscular body. He looks into the broken mirror on the wall and, sure enough, there’s Clooney’s handsome mug looking back at him.

He checks the content of his boxers and then does a double-take.

“Goddamn!”

He says, “I was ridin’ Ol Mabel last night!”

John and Martha were at their neighbor’s house, ready to participate for their first time on an evening of mate-swapping.

There were several couples, some they knew, others they did not, all standing around nude in the large living room, enjoying cocktails.

“Let’s go for those two!” Martha said, pointing to a young couple by the fireplace.

John liked his wife’s taste in women -- the young girl was beautifully built, had the face of an angel, and a fiery red snatch that perfectly matched her beautiful tresses.

“Whoa!” John says, “She is amazing! ... But look at her skinny little husband! And he’s got a little two-incher. What’s in it for you?”

Martha just smiled. “I guess you didn’t notice him earlier, when he was licking his eyebrows.”