Chapter 283

Thank Andy K for this one.

Bill was going over the edge. His girlfriend with benefits had left him five months ago “to find something more meaningful” and he hadn’t so much as felt a tit since then.

Since he was out of town on a business trip, he decided to take action.

He asked the hotel concierge about the best singles/pickup bars and got a list with “The Hangout” at the top with five stars.

Bill decided to give it a shot. He had the concierge arrange transportation then went up to his room to shower and put on his business casual outfit. By the time he finished and returned to the lobby, his cab was there.

The cab driver offered to take the scenic route with added commentary for only ten dollars extra, but Bill turned him down. He wanted to get to The Hangout fast. It was already eight PM and Bill didn’t want to miss the evening crowd.

To say he was astonished when he walked in would be putting it mildly. The place was mobbed, mostly with women. They were all at least good looking, some of them stunning.

Bill grabbed an empty bar stool, ordered a Manhattan, and swung around to survey the scene. He noticed a handful of men scattered around the various booths; all of them, except one, with a female companion.

Over the next hour, while he thought about the best way to single one woman out and approach her, he noticed something which seemed a bit strange. About every fifteen minutes, a different woman would walk to the man alone in his booth, speak to him, and then follow him out a door to the rear. Each time, he came back by himself and sat in his lonely booth.

Since Bill’s drink was finished, he waved the bartender over, ordered another, and asked him if he knew any of the women who might be interested in some company.

Harry, the bartender, chuckled, “Not any of the women would even speak to you. Many guys have tried and all have been shot down.”

Bill said “But that’s strange, because the guy in the corner booth has had a parade of women all night.”

Harry replied “Yeah. That’s Louie, the owner’s son. He’s got an apartment upstairs, but it’s more like he lives in that booth. That’s what happens every night”

Bill asked “What’s his secret? He looks totally plain and is dressed like a slob. Is he paying you to slip drugs into the ladies drinks or something?”

Harry laughed and shook his head. “I haven’t a clue. He never approaches anyone. He never buys anyone a drink. All he does, all night long, is sit in the booth licking his eyebrows.”

bobw40 ‎ contributions, with thanks

An Old Pilot’s Wisdom...

I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself. I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn’t show, I threw it open for questions.

The last one asked was, “Can you give us a couple of your life’s philosophical beliefs?”

I said, “That’s an easy one. Looking back over my lifetime, I’ve spent most of my money on guns, airplanes, fast cars, women and whiskey. The rest I just wasted.”

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:

1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent it.

2) If it’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have problems with it.

I hope they invite me back next year so I can finish They need to know this shit!

mixerman478 ‎is responsible for the following, many thanks!!!!!!

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he’s been a little too well endowed, shall we say. In fact, it’s 25 inches long. Can’t get any women to have sex with him. No men either, one would think. Anyway, the doctor says there’s nothing he can do medically, but sends him to see a witch that he thinks might be able to help.

Witch takes a look at the problem (yikes!) and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. “Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you’ll be 5 inches shorter.”