Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 276
?After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
?Got an e-mail today from a “bored housewife 32, looking for some action!” I’ve sent her my ironing. That’ll keep her busy!
? My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!
?Anyone got an owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s giving off a terrible whining noise!
?My wife apologised for the first time ever today. She said she’s sorry she ever married me!
?My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason!
?Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90 per cent. It’s called a wedding cake!
?Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup!
?My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface!
✧ ✧ ✧
I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish. “I wish to live forever,” I said. “Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant that particular wish.” “Fine,” I said, “then I want to die the day after Parliament is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!” “You crafty bastard,” replied the fairy.
✧ ✧ ✧
LARRY ... CUTE
LARRY MAY BECOME MY NEW FAVOURITE!!!!
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Larry?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I didn’t like to see you standing there all by yourself!’
To read the complete story you need to be logged in:
Log In or
Register for a Free account
(Why register?)
* Allows you 3 stories to read in 24 hours.