Chapter 275

Say thanks to jantrevor for this one.

The elderly man decided to move to Mexico to save money, living was cheaper there.

He settled into a routine as is common with retired people. Eating out at the same places, sitting on the bench watching the sea and the people playing in the sand. Live was good.

Over time his money was getting low and he had to economize. He noticed that each Monday the restaurant had a special of what looked like dumplings. He asked the owner, who was the cook/waiter what they were and the cook said

“these are the fried bulls testicles from the bull fights held over the weekend”

This put him off but money was getting tight and finally one Monday he decided to order them. When the plate came he looked and the fried balls were much smaller than usual. He looked at the cook and said “what gives? These are very small”

The cook shrugged and said : Senor, the bull does not always lose”

These are compliments of J & B

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now in their mid-forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they had missed and how limited had been their experiences in the “real” world. Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.

As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend “out on the town” in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home Sunday night.

Monday morning they went to their parish priest, and asked him if he could hear their confessions that morning, to which the priest replied, “Certainly sisters, just line up here outside the confessional, and I’ll hear your confessions one at a time.”

The first nun entered the confessional, beginning her confession as usual, and then told the priest about her trip to Vegas. “Father, I have gambled, I have drunk spirits, I have smoked, and I had a wonderful time. I also touched a man’s penis with my left hand.” The priest nearly had heart failure, but slowly he composed himself, and said to the nun, “Sister, if you are truly repentant, say three Hail Mary’s, perform one act of charity, and dip your left hand in the Holy Water, and you shall be forgiven.”

With that, the first nun left and second nun entered. “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I have partaken of alcohol, I have worn make-up, I have used tobacco, and in general I had a terrific time. Also, I touched a man’s penis with my right hand.”

The priest was nearly catatonic with this news, but as he recovered, he told the nun, “Sister, if you are truly repentant, say three Hail Mary’s, perform two acts of charity, and dip your right hand in the Holy Water, and you shall be forgiven.”

The second nun left, and all of a sudden, all hell broke loose outside the confessional. The priest opened the door to see the last two nuns fighting, wrestling on the floor, and destroying their clothes and the church in the process. The priest shouted at them to stop, saying, “In Heavens name, stop this, you are sisters! There is no need to fight like this, over anything. I will hear your confessions equally, please stop this!”

One nun was sitting astride the other, throttling the nun on the bottom with one hand, and hitting her with the other. She stopped in mid swing and said, “Listen Father ... If you think I’m gonna gargle with that Holy Water, AFTER she’s sat in it, you’ve got another damn think coming!”