Chapter 272

Compliments of pearce49

John and Joe Jones were identical twins living in a very small town. All was good, and then John asked the girl he was dating to marry him and they did. Just after John married Joe bought an old row boat. It was in poor condition so he got it cheap. About a year later John’s wife died and Joe’s boat sank.

Couple of weeks later this old lady met Joe on the street and said “Oh Mr Jones I am sorry for your loss.”

Without thinking Joe Said, “No big loss she leaked every time I used her. What finished her off was when I rented her out to four guys form the next town over to go fishing. They all piled in at once and she split right down the middle.” The old lady fainted.

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When you are smiling you can thank squaddie117 for them!!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Q: How does a woman scare a gynaecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!

Q: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: A $100 bill!

Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
A: They couldn’t close his casket.

Q: Who was the world’s first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adam’s banana stand

Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A: A rip off

Q: Why did the snowman smile?
A: Because the snow blower is coming.

Q: What does it mean when your cheap boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: What’s the difference between you and eggs?
A: Eggs get laid and you don’t

Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles?
A: UCLA

Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?
A: A genealogist looks up your family tree. a gynaecologist looks up your family bush.

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.

Q: What’s long hard and full of seamen?
A: A submarine

Q: What’s long, Hard and Erects stuff?
A: A Crane!

Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.

Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!

Q: What’s the difference between a white owl and a black owl?
A: A white owl says, “hoot, hoot” a black owl says, “who dat, who dat”

Q: Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips?
A: Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.

Q: How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A: It’s not hard.

Q: Why did the Indians come to America first?
A: Because they had reservations.

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Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A: Virgin Mobile

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q: What is white at the top and black at the bottom?
A: Society!

Q: Have you heard the one about the lesbian that took Viagra?
A: She couldn’t get her tongue back in her mouth for a month!

Q: What do you call a virgin on a water bed?
A: A cherry float.

Q: What do a near sighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.

Q: What does a homeless woman use for a vibrator?
A: Two flies in a bottle.

Q: What’s the job application to Hooters?
A: They just give you a bra and say: “Here, fill this out.”

Q: Why don’t blind people skydive?
A: It scares their dogs!

Q: What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

Q: What do you call a Chinese midget?
A: Tai Nee

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.

Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where they went went.

Q: Why did God create orgasms?
A: So women can moan even when they’re happy

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who committed suicide?
A: He got himself into a real stew.

Q: What do you call a retard in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother!

Q: Why did god invent alcohol?
A: So ugly women can have sex too.

Q: What’s black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond changing a light bulb.

Q: What do you call a Persian that smokes pot?
A: Hari Potter!

Q: What do you call it when a boy and girl make love for the first time?
A: Cumming of Age.

Q: How do you clear out a Taliban bingo game?
A: Call “B52!”

Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden?
A: Seizure Salad

Q: What do you call a Chinese rapist?
A: Rai Ping Yu

Q: Why do they call it PMS?
A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.