Chapter 268

Compliment of DomAbrazo ‎

A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Hendersonville, NC.

He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the ever-living crap out of a flag burning, Cop hating, Jihadist.”

The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

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Compliments of a Friend of J & G.

Vive la difference

Bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?” The woman replied, “My husband’s checkbook!!”

A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’” Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”

Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret?” Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her.”

Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription ... Simply showing marriage certificate and your wife’s picture is not enough!

For MEN and WOMEN with a bit of humor?? A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever. Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. Rest get married and wonder what happened!

Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.

Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men? A very INTELLIGENT student replied: “Because women don’t have a wife!”

COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE: Dear Mother-in-law, don’t teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?

When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT - what he really means is that he doesn’t know his wife’s opinion yet.

A lady says to her doctor: “My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?”

The doctor replies: “Give him an opportunity to speak when he’s awake!”

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Back on January 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby ... whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?”

She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!!”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive,” George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either so he asked... “Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe ... why don’t you give ol’ George here your best last kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.