Chapter 263

Say thanks to stickpuppy ‎ for this submission!!!!

A koala is on vacation in Vegas and as everyone knows what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. So, he decides to buys himself some lovin.

30 minutes later, he’s at her door and introducing himself. They adjourn to the bedroom, she lies back and he starts using his oral skills much to her delight. After about 15 minutes, as she’s getting closer, the koala stops, get some up, and heads for the door. In protest the lady of the evening asks him where he’s going. His simple reply is “I’m leaving”.

She reaches into her night stand, pulls out her dictionary that she keeps there for just such an emergency and says “I’m a prostitute. Look up what it says”. He dutifully does and read that a prostitute is someone who exchanges sex for money. He replies that he’s a koala and tosses her the dictionary.

When she reads that a koala is a furry creature that eats bushes and leaves, she understands.

These are compliments of Mixerman

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.” She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises.

“Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.”

“You’re absolutely right sweetheart, “the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked. “You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered. “True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. “Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?”

“Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”

Boy in the bath with his mum. Boy says, “What’s that hairy thing mum?” Mum replies, “That is my sponge.”

“Oh yes,” says the boy, “The babysitters got one, I’ve seen her washing dads face with it.”