Chapter 256

Compliments of sbrooks103

A woman walks into church totally topless and sits down right in the front pew.

The Minister goes up to her and quietly say, “I’m sorry, but you can’t be in her like that.”

She exclaims, “I have a divine RIGHT to be here!”

He says, “You have a very nice left, too, but you still can’t come in here like that.”

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This compliments of squaddie117

The Assumption Song (It’ll make an Ass out of U and Me)

There was an old farmer
Who lived on a rock
He sat in the meadow
Just shaking his
Fist at some boys
Who were down by the crick
Their feet in the water
Their hands on their
Marbles and playthings
And at half past four
There came a young lady
She looked like a
Pretty young creature
She sat on the grass
She pulled up her dress
And she showed them her
Ruffles and laces
And white fluffy duck
She said she was learning
A new way to
Bring up her children
So they would not spit
While the boys in the barnyard
Were shoveling
Refuse and litter
From yesterday’s hunt
While the girl in the meadow
Was rubbing her
Eyes at the fellow
Down by the dock
He looked like a man
With a sizable
Home in the country
With a big fence out front
And if he asked her politely
She’d show him her
Little pet dog
Who was subject to fits
And maybe she’d let him
Grab hold of her
Small tender hand
With a movement so quick
And then she’d bend over
And suck on his
Candy, so tasty
Made of butterscotch
And then he’d spread whipped cream
All over her
Cookies that she had
Left out on her shelf
If you think this is dirty
You can go fuck yourself!

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Thank Reltney McFee ‎for these:

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a pile of leaves? Rustle.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, on your front steps? Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, hanging on your wall? Art.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, in a cauldron of hot water? Stew.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, whose house is on fire? Burnie!
What do you call a creature with no arms and no legs, that you find in a lake?
A fish.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, that you found in your mailbox? Bill
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, that you found under your car? Jack
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs, at the seashore? Sandy
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, sitting on your kitchen counter? Herb
What do you call a guy with no feet? Kneel.