Chapter 255

Compliments of Charm_Brights

A touching Santa Story with feelings... ‎

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid for the overtime they had worked while making the toys. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. To make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a tree. Santa was furious. “I can’t believe it! I’ve got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours – all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don’t even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS ago to find a tree and he isn’t even back yet! What am I going to do?” Just then, the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree and says, “Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?” And thus the tradition of an angel on top of the Christmas tree came to pass.

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This one is compliments of a friend of J & G.

Roe Vs Wade

A blonde in her fourth freshman year at University of Michigan while sitting in her U.S. Government Class, was asked by her professor if she knew what the Roe vs. Wade decision was about.

She sat for quite a while pondering this very profound question, finally sighed, and answered, “I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware!”

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Senior Shoplifter

A cranky older woman “in her senior years” was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store. She gave everyone a hard time, from the store manager to the security guard to the arresting officer who took her away. She complained and criticized everything and everyone throughout the process.

When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store.

The lady defiantly replied, “Just a stupid can of peaches, you old fool.”

The judge then asked why she had done it.

“I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store,” she huffed.”

The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.

She replied in a nasty tone, “Nine! But why do you care about that?”

The judge answered patiently, “Well, ma’am, because I’m going to give you nine days in jail -- one day for each peach.”

As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady’s long-suffering husband raised his hand slowly and asked if he might speak.

The judge said, “Yes sir, what do you have to add?”

The husband said meekly, “Your Honor, she also stole two cans of peas.”

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Good read!!!

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience!