Chapter 254

A short one from Gary

You know the honeymoon is over when she comes in to take a dump while you’re brushing your teeth. Yep!

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Thanks Allan B for this group:::::

Health Alert for Men

If you are taking the Viagra pill, make sure it says “Made in USA”!

We do not want the Russians meddling in our erections!

A wife said to her husband, “When I’m talking and you answer, it interferes with the dialogue between us”.

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the Shell station

A man bought his wife a bra for a present, and gave it to her on Memorial Day.

She asked, “Why for Memorial Day?”

He replied, “It’s in memory of the fallen.”

An Eskimo goes to a sexologist and says, “Doctor, my wife is willing to have sex with me only three times a night”.

“Three times a night”, exclaims the doctor. “That’s fantastic”!

“Well.” Says the Eskimo. “The night here lasts for six months”.

In the words of Lou Holtz:

Life doesn’t have to be complicated. There are seven colors of the rainbow, and see what Michelangelo did with those seven colors. There are seven notes, and see what Beethoven did with those seven notes. There are ten numbers, and see what Bernie Madoff did with those ten numbers.

There’s a hospital in San Francisco that specializes in transplants. So some people who have had transplants can honestly say, I left my heart in San Francisco.

A computer programmer put two glasses on his night table before going to bed, one full of water, and the other empty. His wife asked him about the glasses. He said, “The glass of water is for if I wake up in the middle of the night, and I’m thirsty.” “OK”, said the wife, but what about the empty one?” He replied, “That’s if I wake up in the middle of the night and I’m NOT thirsty.”

Thought for the Day:

I’ve been sick and NEEDED a doctor. I’ve encountered trouble and NEEDED a police officer. I’ve lived through times of war, when our nation NEEDED our military. I have even NEEDED an auto mechanic, a plumber, a house painter and a lot of other every-day people.

But I have NEVER, not even once, NEEDED a pro athlete or Hollywood entertainer for ANYTHING.

Author unknown

Q: What’s the difference between Joy Behar and the Panama Canal?

A: The Panama Canal is a Busy Ditch...

Zubin Beckmesser, the noted orchestral conductor was nearly electrocuted today when he accidentally stuck his baton into an electric socket. Doctors said that he would have died instantly it he hadn’t been such a poor conductor.

“Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled, “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted to. I was keeping the umbrella.

After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action. He flew over to Wonder Woman’s apartment to see if she was available. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open. Superman thought to himself, “I’m faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened.” So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, “Did you hear something?” “No!” said the Invisible Man, “But my ass sure hurts like hell!”

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