Chapter 25

THE STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM (No laughing allowed),, I wanted to give him 100%! but I was told that it wouldn’t be politically correct. Each answer is absolutely grammatically correct, and funny too.

Q1 ... In which battle did Napoleon die? His last battle
Q2 ... Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page
Q3 ... River Ravi flows in which state? Liquid
Q4 ... What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage
Q5 ... What is the main reason for failure? Exams
Q6 ... What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch & dinner
Q7 ... What looks like half an apple? The other half
Q8 ... If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become? Wet
Q9 ... How can a man go eight days without sleeping? No problem, he sleeps at night.
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has one hand.
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? Very large hands
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built.
Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

Spread some laughter, share the cheer.

Let’s be happy, while we’re here!

Compliments of Thornfoote

A blonde walked up to a river, and wanted to crossover to the other side. We’ll call her Blonde #1. She looked left, she looked right, and couldn’t see any way to cross. Blonde #1 noticed another blonde on the other side of the river, and yelled to her: “Hey. How do I get to the other side?”

Blonde #2 looked to her left, and looked to her right. Then she looked back at Blonde#1 and yelled: “ You dumb blonde! You’re already on the other side of the river!”

Three men were sitting on a beach; a fairly good-looking blonde walks by. The first man says, “I give her a six”; the second, “I give her a 7”; the third says, “She is a 1.” The other two look at him and wonder. Another woman walks by. The first man says, “She is an 8”; the second says, “I give her an 8+”; the third says, “She is a three.” Again the first two men wonder about him. Then an extremely fine-looking redhead approaches. The first man says, “She is a 10!” The second man says, “She is an 11!!” The third guy says, “She is a six.” The other two finally look at him and say, “What is the matter with you, man?? That redhead is perfect!! Are you weird or something??”

“Wait a minute--you don’t understand; I use the Budweiser scale.”

“What the hell is that?”

“That’s how many clydesdales it would take to pull her off my face.”

Code Words in Women’s Ads - by Bacchus ©

A list of Abbreviations in the “WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds:

CODE WORD ... MEANS

40-ish... 49

Adventurer ... Has had more partners than you ever will. Never climbed a hill

Affectionate ... Won’t hold his hand before the third date, kiss before the fifth, neck before the seventh, offer reciprocation for dinner before the ninth, or ever share sensual intromission before the eleventh date!

Athletic ... Flat-chested, no make-up, boy’s hair cut. A girl? Or sexless “guy”?

Average looking ... Ugly

Beautiful ... Pathological liar, delusional, sees a fantasy in the mirror

Blue jeans to black tie ... Wears yours or hers? Wears pants in male relationships and will tie knots with your little black book, Buster

Buxom ... Balloon boobs

Christian ... Never had an original, questioning thought in her life. Goes to kindergarten bible study and presumes that her religion requires sexual suppression, so quashed that her human sex desire is that of a plaster angel

Classy ... Wants free society dates to show off her ego -Has no “Character” to show at Classy conversations

Commitment-minded ... Would like to not work. Asks if you own or rent?

Communication important ... Just try to get a word in edgewise. Doesn’t call back on her “Women Seeking Men” responses. You do the communicating, she judges, too rude to call back

Contagious Smile ... Prearranged. Like her canned talk. No spend? -No smile

Conversation important ... About what food she had to eat at a restaurant last Friday

Dances ... Enjoys moving as if she were sensuous, having Sublimated her sex drive by terpsichorean “exercise”

Degree ... MRS., her only goal in education, forfeited by divorce

Educated ... College dropout, with an Incomplete MRS. Degree

Emotionally secure ... Still seeking the wrong man, making the same mistakes with men, throwing tantrums in petulant pms perturbation

Employed ... Part-time job stuffing envelopes at home, and a “masseuse”

Energetic ... Dances, jogs, aerobics, light-weights, tennis, golf, walks fast- anything but fulfillment of female sexual physical function

Enjoys art and opera ... Snob who never bought a ticket to an opera, a concert, gallery, museum; never Reciprocated for free art dates

Enjoys Nature ... You bring it all. Her hiking path has cut across her sex drive. She notices hikers’ shoes, no trees or birds

Exotic Beauty ... Would frighten a Martian. Exotic get-up for “local yokel”

Family interest ... No time for a boy friend on weekend or holiday-with family

Feminist ... Man hating ball-buster, calls girls ‘guys’ and wants it both ways: Equal wages as “person” and Free dates as “lady”

Financially secure ... One paycheck from the street. Has all of husband’s assets from the divorce. Buys shoes every month

Free Spirit ... Substance abuser. Likes slipping out to “make it” with a stranger or a friend of yours, when Your date

Friendship first ... Trying to live down a reputation as a slut. She “Never goes any further than petting, with any man,” anyway!

Fun ... Annoying. You supply the fun and expense. She’ll judge

Goal oriented ... You, not her. Your goal must be to support her, her goals

Green eyes ... Another one? Jealous suspicion motivates throwing the phone

Gentle ... Comatose ... until you suggest She pay for a drink or dinner!

Health interest ... She asks for your cardiovascular rate, never arouses your heart

Humorous ... Caustic. What’s the Women’s’ most required Men’s Quality? “Sense of humor.” But she’s too insecure to have one or know when you are showing your sense of humor -she’s “hurt”

Intuitive ... Your opinion doesn’t count. She reads your Mind, not her own

In Transition ... Needs a new sugar-daddy to pay her bills; last one got wise

ISO ... In Search Of ... or is In Sexual Ossification from sex refusal

Job seeking ... In search of “security,” “prestige” -not to “Contribute”

Kind ... After her free dinner she offers you a cafe’s free mint

Light drinker ... Lush. Likes expensive call-liquor drinks you pay for as she brags, “I’ve Never Bought a Man a Drink!”

Looks younger ... If viewed from far away in bad light. She’s still a “spoiled brat” who hasn’t learned to reciprocate at all like she Takes

Loves Travel ... If you’re paying. She Never went anywhere by herself or without a girl friend. Looking for sucker to tease for free trips

Loves Animals ... A three-cat lady, has a plaster cat statuette, glass cat menagerie, velvet cat painting, cat place mats, cat clock, cat plaque, with a kiddie-cat’s brain -no mate

LTR ... Living Together Relationship, also Loony Twit Ranting!

Mature ... Making same mistakes with men, choice of boy friends

Natural ... Gone to pot. Too lazy to exercise etiquette, good language

New-Age ... Nose, eyebrow, lip, ear, tongue, naval, and vulva -are pierced; butt, shoulder, ankle, back and belly -tattooed; hair dyed purple