Chapter 246

Questions Asked in Banff National Park
by American Tourists

(Yes, they’re ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks managed by Parks Canada staff!)

1. How do the elk know they’re supposed to cross at the “Elk Crossing” signs?

2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?

3. Tourist: “How do you pronounce ‘Elk’?”
   Park Information Staff: “ ‘Elk’ “
   Tourist: “Oh”.

4. Are the bears with collars tame?

5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon bits on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?

7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?

8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?

9. Are there birds in Canada?

10. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

11. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

12. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?

13. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

14. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?

15. How far is Banff from Canada?

16. What’s the best way to see Canada in a day?

17. Do they search you at the B.C. border?

18. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?

19. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don’t they?

20. Are there phones in Banff?

21. So it’s eight kilometres away ... is that in miles?

22. We’re on the decibel system you know.

23. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??

24. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?

25. Don’t you Canadians know anything?

26. Where do you put the animals at night?

27. Tourist: “How do you get your lakes so blue?”
    Park staff: “We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom.”
    Tourist: “Oh!”

Say thanks to dumbohaha for this one:

Girl gets on a bus but all the seats are taken by mostly men. She says: “anybody willing to give a pregnant woman a seat?”

A gallant but embarrassed man got up and she sat down while he stood in the aisle. He looked down and said, “miss, you don’t look pregnant.”

She looked up at him and said, “Well, it’s only been a half an hour.”

Say thanks to joevsr ‎

I think my wife got a job with the local weather service.

Some man keeps calling the house and wants to know if the coast is clear!!!