Chapter 245

This one is compliments of Wyden ‎

I saw her standing at the back of the unruly mob of boys, shyly holding her little candy bag as if it were a debutante’s clutch purse.

She was so angelic and looked as fragile as a butterfly, it teased at my heartstrings.

I went through the motions of doling out the Snickers and such to the boys, but held the richest prize for the angel who had stolen my heart.

Finally, the boys decided they had extracted all the goodies I was going to give them, the angel made her way to the front and shyly extended her bag to me, holding it open with her tiny hands.

I had saved the best for her. I reached behind me and picked up the shiny red apple I kept aside each year for the child I considered the most deserving of the pre-criminals that normally descended on me at Halloween.

With great pomp and a huge smile, I lifted the apple high and dropped it in the center of her bag.

I was not at all prepared for her response. With a shriek that reminded me of some of my worst times with my first wife, she tore into me, spittle flying everywhere.

“You stupid motherfucker. You have busted every one of my Goddamned cookies. You don’t have the sense of...”

I tuned her out the same way I had survived Harpy #1 and vowed to never again answer the door when the witches were flying.

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Say thanks to mixerman478 ‎for this one.

Q: What does the devil have between his legs?
A: He has great balls of fire.
Q: Why can’t the ghost have any children?
A: He has a Halloweenie.
Q: What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
A: They gave him the cold shoulder.
Q: Why hasn’t anyone ever seen ghost poop?
A: Because it’s invisible.

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Say thanks to squaddie117 for this Grouping... ‎

Q: Why did the monster go inside the bar?
A: For the boos.

Q: What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
A: Medi-scare.

Q: What does the devil have between his legs?
A: He has great balls of fire.

Q: Why can’t the ghost have any children?
A: He has a Halloweenie.

Q: What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
A: They gave him the cold shoulder.

Q: Why do Halloween ghosts moan, tremble and shiver?
A: Because of what’s happening under that sheet.

Q: Why are male ghosts attracted to female ghosts?
A: Because of their boo-bies.

Q: What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
A: America’s Most Haunted.

Q: What do you call it when a vampire has a serious problem in his home?
A: It’s a Grave problem.

Q: Why is the woman afraid of the vampire?
A: Because he is all bite and no bark.

Q: Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?
A: Because people are always dying to get in.

Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they like to eat the fingers separately.

Q: Why don’t witches have babies?
A: Their husbands have crystal balls.

Q: What is a vampire’s worst fear?
A: Tooth decay.

Q: What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin Patch.

Q: What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
A: He got repossessed.

Why do they build walls around Graveyards. Those that are outside really don’t want to get in and those that are inside can’t get out.

I threw a boomerang at a ghost the other day.

I knew it would come back to haunt me.

I got so fed up with trick or treaters at Halloween that in the end I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn’t in.