Chapter 237

Sex Life & Coca-Cola Two friends meet after many years and talk about their past life.

One asks the other: “And how’s your sex life”?

“Same As Coca-Cola”

“Oh great! ... Full of bubbles, eh?”

“Nothing like that! Before it was ‘CLASSIC’, then it became ‘LIGHT’ and now it is ‘ZERO’!

✧ ✧ ✧

These are compliments of dorsetmike‎

Japanese tourist in London, very annoyed at the daily changes in the Yen-Pound Sterling exchange rate :

Japanese tourist, to bank cashier : “Why evvy time I come here the rate different?”

Bank cashier : “Fluctuation.”

Japanese tourist : “Fluck you too, European!”

There was a musican called Gager Who, as the result of a wager, Consented to fart The whole oboe part Of Mozart’s Quartet in F major

I was reading an article on Gandhi recently. I never realised that he had very bad breath. Also, he had huge callouses on his feet because he never wore shoes. And his general health was very bad.

In fact, you could say he was a super-calloused fragile mystic cursed by halitosis.

Have you heard the one about the agnostic dyslectic insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog or not...

A man walks into a pastry shop and orders 5 pies, 3 sausage rolls and 2 cakes. As he leaves the shop he stumbles across a homeless man on the footpath who says, “I haven’t eaten for two days”, to which the man with the pastries replies; “I wish I had your willpower”!!!

Jack: Just bought a hearing-aid for two dollars!

Jill: What kind is it?

Jack: Quarter past ten.

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.”

A string walked into a bar and climbed up onto a stool. The bartender came over and said, “Hey you! We don’t serve strings in here. Get out!” The string got down and went outside where he wound himself up into a tight ball and rubbed himself back and forth on the rough concrete. Then he went back into the bar and climbed up onto the stool again. The bartender immediately said, “Aren’t you the string who was in here a minute ago?” The string said, “No, I’m afraid not.”

A man bought a cup of coffee, drank it, and said, “This taste like mud!” “Of course,” said the chef, “it was ground this morning.”

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.

The first Sunday sermon after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for about ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explained that the first Sunday his gums hurt so badly he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes.

The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.

But, the third Sunday, he put his Wife’s’ teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up...