Chapter 225

The following are compliments of dorsetmike‎

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the pub,
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer, The Bitter, The Lager.
Barmen

The following ones from a visit to the zoo

The sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than anyone thinks
At the height of the mating season
He tries to bugger the Sphinx
But the Sphinx’s posterior orifice
Is filled with the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx’s inscrutable smile.

The oomagooly bird is a rare and exotic
bird found in the deserts of Australia. It
has three foot legs and four foot testicles,
and every time it lands, it goes oomagoolies

The winky-wanky bird by some strange evolutionary occurance, the nervous system of this bird’s eyelids is connected to its foreskin.

Every time it winks, it wanks and every time it wanks, it
winks.

The orangutan is found in the mountains of Africa.
It’s left ball is made of steel and it’s right ball is made of copper.
As it swings through the trees it goes oran-gu-tan, oran-gu-tan.

The annual leopard has 365 spots, one for every day of the year
“What about leap years??”

Lift up his tail Charlie.

Say thanks to graycanoe for this one‎

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?” he asked, rather tentatively.

“I would like it infrequently,” she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and whispered

“Is that one word or two?”