Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 22
Vetted...
A few more nicked from various forums, I’ll go through another page when you’ve used what you want from these!
Nelson Mandela heard a knock at the door. A man with a clip board and a big lorry said “I’ve got 1000 car batteries for you” Better put them in the back garden” said Mr Mandela.
The next day the same man came in the same lorry and said “I’ve got 600 car tyres for you” “Better put them in with the batteries then” said Mr Mandela.
The next day the same man arrived with the same lorry and said “I’ve got 12 new cars for you” “Are you sure they are for me” said Mr Mandela. The lorry driver consulted his clipboard and said “Yep - says Nelson Mandela right here”
“Here show me” said Mandela. He looked at the clipboard and a big smile came over his face “You’ve come to the wrong place - that says Nissan Maindealer”
An 80-year-old man tells his wife, “I’m going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills.”
His wife gets her coat on and says, “I’m going to the doctor, too. If you’re going to start using that rusty old thing again, I’m getting a tetanus shot.”
A young man is ‘entertaining’ an older lady. She says “Your organ isn’t very big”. he replies “Well I didn’t expect to be playing in a concert hall!”
A fairy godmother decides to grant three wishes to a little old lady.
“What would you like for your first wish?” the fairy godmother asks.
The little old lady says, “I would like to be rich.”
POOF! Her rocking chair turns into solid gold.
“And for your second wish?” asks her fairy godmother.
The little old lady says, “I would like to be young again.”
POOF! The little old lady is now a beautiful young woman.
“And for your third and final wish?” asks her fairy godmother.
The young woman’s cat, Burt, jumps into her lap.
She asks the fairy godmother, “Can you turn Burt into a handsome young prince?”
POOF! Suddenly, Burt is a handsome young prince.
The handsome young prince leans down to the young woman and whispers softly in her ear, “Don’t you wish you hadn’t had me neutered?”
A man buys a budgie. It keeps repeating “I’m a Glasgow Budgie and I’m as hard as nails”
After a week the man gets so fed up he buys a kestrel.
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