Chapter 210

Three blondes walk into a building ... You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.

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Father O’ Malley is hearing confessions one day when he suddenly feels an attack of the Hershey squirts coming on. When Mr. Hennesy steps into the confessional he begs him to take his place hearing confessions while he runs for the men’s room.

“Sorry Father, I wouldn’t know what to do. I wouldn’t know what to give for penance. How many Hail Marys? How many Our Fathers?”

“It’s very simple, my son. There’s a book over here. Just look up the sin and it tells you the penance.”

Hennesy reluctantly agrees to take the good father’s place while the father makes a dash for the toilet. He’s a little nervous at first but it doesn’t take long before he gets the hang of it.

Masturbation: Ten Hail Marys Adultery: Five Our Fathers and five Hail Marys.

All goes well until a young woman enters the booth and confesses to giving her husband’s boss a blow job.

Hennesy flips through the pages. No blow job anywhere in the book. Hennesy is frantic and the father is still busy in the men’s room. He needs to ask someone - anyone - what to do. He opens the confessional door a crack and he sees little Timmy O’Toole, an altar boy, waiting his turn to confess.

“Psst! Hey kid! What does Father O’Malley give for a blow job?”

Timmy smiles and answers, “Usually a Big Mac and a chocolate shake.”

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Father O’Malley hearing confessions when in steps little Johnny, and he says, “Father, I was intimate with a young girl yesterday.”

Father O’Malley asks, “was it Jenny O’Rourke?”

No, Was it Mary Ellis, No, Was it Kathleen Curran? No says Johnny, as Father O’Malley begins to insist on the name, Johnny runs out.

On the street are two of his friends, and he yells to them, “I got the names, let go get laid.”

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At the Zoo

A young family were visiting the Zoo when their 7 year old daughter who is watching the elephants in their enclosure, sees the elephant’s penis hanging down below the male elephant. She asks her father, “Daddy, what is that hanging down under that elephant over there?”

Her father, not ready to have that talk with her says, “I don’t know go ask your mother.”

So the little girl goes over and asks her mother, “Mommy what is that thing hanging down under that elephant?”

Her mother also not ready to have that talk told her, “That is nothing dear.” The little girl not satisfied goes back to her father and said, “Mommy says that thing is nothing!”

The father smugly replies “Well that’s because she’s been spoiled!”

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Why does an elephant have four feet?

Because he’d look silly with only six inches.

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What do elephants have for lunch? A half-hour, like everyone else.

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First elephant: “I hear you’ve been tracing your ancestors on the internet.” Second elephant: “Yes, and it’s a mammoth task.”

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Husbands will be husbands...

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

‘What was that for?’ the man asked.

The wife replied ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’.

The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on’ the wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied... ‘Your horse just phoned’

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Before and after marriage...

Girl: “When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.” Boy: “It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles. Girl: “Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.”

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Sex with a 26 year old woman?

I was just offered sex today by a 26 year old woman on I.M. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my page here.

Of course I declined because of my naturally strong morals and willpower. Which is almost as strong as AJAX, that super strong bathroom cleaner now available scented with lemon or vanilla.

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No more dating websites for me...

I keep having my profile on that well known dating website rejected.

One of the main questions is, “What do you want in a woman?”

Apparently “My dick” is not an acceptable answer.

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