Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 207
Compliments of joevsr
When a Military Man dies, we shoot all night.
When a Drunkard dies, we drink all night,
When a Christian dies, we pray all night,
When a Musician dies, we sing all night.
I would love to attend a Prostitutes funeral!!!
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Say Thanks to Connaught these two!
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Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!”
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.” Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
“Who’s that woman with Moishe?” asks the wife.
“That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies.
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A JEWISH DIVORCE
A Jewish daughter says to her mother “I’m divorcing Nathan.” “All he wants is sex, sex and more sex. My vagina is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece.”
Her mother says, “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman. You live in an 8 bedroom mansion. You drive a $250,000 Ferrari. You get $2,000 a week allowance. You take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away over 45 cents?
NOW THAT’S A JEWISH MOTHER!
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From dorsetmike
She says “Why don’t you say you love me anymore?”
He replies “I said it once, I’ll let you know if the situation changes.”
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This one is from fmwarmac
So I asked my wife, “Why do you keep buying plants when you just kill them?”
She said, “To remind you what I’m capable of.”
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