Chapter 206

The following are compliments of jwb1943‎

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”

His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night ... whether you’re here or not.”

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Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: “Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever”

“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads: “Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last”

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Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “What took you so long to answer the phone?”

She says, “I was in bed.”

“In bed this early, doing what?”

“Getting a second opinion!”

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A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home ‘Mother of Six?’ His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion, shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four.”

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Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going. Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go but, what can they do ... Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. “Damn man! How long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday. The night before yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind and put her hands over my eyes and said ‘guess who’?” I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had handcuffs and ropes on the bed! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said “Do whatever you want!” “So here I am.”

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Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.

“Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavor.” As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says: “Gorgonzola”

“Wait!!, it is not on yet.”

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“Tonight I am going to organize a group sex session in my apartment. Do you want to come?”

“Of course! How many people are coming?”

“Three, if you bring your wife.”

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A little boy asked his mother: “Mummy, why are you white and I am black?”

“Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party mmhm... , you are lucky that you don’t bark.”

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