Chapter 205

A woman gets cheated by her husband.

Devastated, she doesn’t know how to continue to live her life. She hears that there’s a very wise monk who lives up in a mountain, and decides to go there to consult him.

After few days of traveling, walking, climbing, she reaches the top and meets the wise monk. “I have spent my whole life with him, my youth was dedicated to support him, take care of him. And now he has left me for a young woman. My life is stolen, and I’m left with nothing. I don’t know what to do”.

The monk gives her a cookie and asks her to eat it. After she finishes eating, he asks: “Was the cookie delicious?” “Yes”- she answers. “Do you want another one?” “Sure, please”. The monk looks her in the eye and says “Do you see the problem now?”

The woman thinks for a while, and then slowly speaks. “I guess human nature is greedy. You got one, then you want more, maybe a new one, bigger one. It’s never enough. And nothing lasts forever, everything is impermanence. We should be aware and not disappointed by that”.

The monk shakes his head. “No, I mean you are too fat, you should eat less.”

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A genius and an idiot have a conversation...

The genius says to the idiot, “If I ask you a question and you don’t know the answer, you have to give me $5, but if you ask me a question and I don’t know the answer, I have to give you $5,000.

The idiot agrees.

The genius asks the idiot, “What is H2O?”

The idiot thinks for a minute and then hands the genius $5.

The idiot says, “Ok, my turn. What walks on 2 legs but sleeps on 3 legs?”

The genius thinks and thinks, but he cannot come up with an answer so he hands the idiot $5,000. The genius, curious as to what the answer is, asks the idiot, “So what is the answer?”

The idiot hands the genius $5.

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Frog looking for love...

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever find his one true love.

The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which one would you like to hear first?”

The frog answers, “Let me hear the good news first.”

The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”

“That great!” says the frog. “So what’s the bad news?”

“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.”

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A woman’s on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, “How’s my cat doing?”

The husband says, “The cat’s dead.”

The woman’s upset and says, “Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could have just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t get her down.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” says the husband, “I’ll remember that.”

The woman says, “Anyway, how’s my mother doing?”

The husband says, “Your mother’s on the roof and we can’t get her down.”

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What do you get when you cross a whore with a computer??

A fucking know it all

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Good Heavens

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

---The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops...

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

‘‘Good Heavens, ‘said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story’?”

...”Don’t Screw with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”

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