Chapter 193

The following are compliments of a friend of J & G.

Feeling it was time for a shakeup, a large manufacturing company hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He asked the guy “How much money do you make a week?” A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said “I make $400 a week. Why?” The CEO said “Wait right here”.

He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET THE FUCK OUT and DON’T COME BACK!”

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked “Does anyone want to tell me what that fuckstick slacker did here?”

From across the room a voice said “Pizza delivery guy”.

A doctor wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he told his assistant “Jimmy, I am going hunting tomorrow and we don’t want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of our patients”.

“Yes, sir...” answers Jimmy.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks “So Jimmy, how was your day?” Jimmy tells him he took care of three patients. “The first one had a headache, so I gave him TYLENOL”.

“Bravo, Jimmy! And the second one?” says the doctor.

The second one had stomach burning, and I gave him MAALOX, sir” says Jimmy.

“Bravo, bravo Jimmy! You’re good at this and what; about the third one?” asks the doctor.

Sir, I was sitting here, and suddenly the door opens, and a woman enters like a flame. She undresses herself, taking off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spread her legs and shouts ‘HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!!’”

And what did you do Jimmy?” asks the doctor. “I put eye drops in her eyes”.

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold”.

“I have a better idea” she replied “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that were married!”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed. “Good” she replied “Get your own damned blanket”.