Chapter 186

You’re fired

On my first day working at the gas station I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under-ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. “What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked. “It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.

“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?” My co-worker answered “No. The force from the explosion would blow out the match.”...

Last night I hit a pole with my car late last night.

The worst part was the awful sound it made, but I don’t speak polish so I just kept driving.

College professor

A college professor was in a confessional booth talking to the priest.

“Father, my wife has been out of town,” he said. “After class today, a beautiful young co-ed invited me back to her dorm room. I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I can’t believe it myself, but I agreed to go. We started having sex and ... um ... her roommate walked in. Next thing I know, she joins us and all three of us are having sex.”

The priest sighs deeply.

“The violation of marriage vows is a serious sin,” the priest said. “I’m not sure that I can give you any penance right now that would fit such a grave sin.”

“Um ... I’m sorry,” the professor said. “I’m not Catholic.”

“Then why are you telling me this?” the priest asked.

“Are you kidding?” he said. “I’m telling everyone!”

So so sorry

An Eskimo was out hunting when his snowmobile started to sputter really badly. He limped it into a shop, but the mechanic had a few other vehicles to get to before he could take a look. So the Eskimo decided to take a walk.

As he strolled through town, he saw an ice cream shop and bought a one-scoop cone. He ate it on the way back to the mechanic.

When he walked into the garage, the mechanic said: “Looks like you blew a seal.”

The Eskimo said: “No, that’s just ice cream,” and wiped his chin.