Chapter 180

Thanks to Joevsr ‎for these.

1. I am getting so old I can’t remember who ties up who!!

2. “The Golden Years” The only thing gold about the golden years is the color of my piss!!!

3. At my age, I wake up in bed in the morning, Hold my arms outwards and if I can’t feel the sides of the box, I get up!!!

Why is it that diapers for babies are LUVS or HUGGIES. But for old folks its DEPENDS? I guess it DEPENDS who is in the will!

Compliments of a Friend of J & G:

A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos intent on killing him. In their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and grant him three requests.

For his first, he asked for his horse. He whispered something to his horse, who then rode off and returned with a beautiful woman. The cowboy spent the night with the woman.

The same thing happened the second day. But when the horse returned on the third day with another woman, the cowboy lost his temper and yelled “You stupid horse! I said ‘posse!’”

What do you call 32 West Virginian women in one room?

A full set of teeth.

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, “Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I’ll help you get the wagon up later.”

“That’s mighty nice of you,” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw, come on, boy,” the farmer insisted.

“Well, OK,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish!” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.