Chapter 177

There was a very unusual hospital where one of the main treatments was that the nurses would take the male patients home and sleep with them.

But there was one patient, Rob, no one wanted to take him home. He was a small man, and he had tattooed on his penis the word ‘SHORTY’.

Well, finally, Valerie, feels sorry for him and takes him home and sleeps with him.

She comes back to work the next day smiling. The other nurses ask what she could possibly be so happy about after sleeping with a guy with SHORTY written on his penis.

“Yes” replies Valerie “but when he becomes aroused, it says, ‘SHORTY’S RESTAURANT AND PIZZERIA’”. “Wow!” the other nurses gasp.

“‘ORDERS TO TAKE OUT’” Valerie continues “‘ALL BAKING DONE ON PREMISES... ‘“

The others stand there staring, in total surprise.

“ESTABLISHED 1922 ... PARTIES ARE OUR SPECIALTY” Valerie finished.

I AM SOOOO HEATED RIGHT NOW!!

So I went to Guitar Centre to get some stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No big deal.

I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again ... STARING! So now I’m like “WTF is her problem?!”

I finish up my shopping and head to the cashier. Guess who is there ahead of me? Right. The staring lady! She turns around and starts staring at me again. So I start playing with my phone because at this point it’s getting weird. Super uncomfortable!

Finally, she says “I want to apologise for staring at you, but you look just like my son who passed away”. I thought to myself ‘Oh it makes sense now’. I felt kind of bad for thinking she was a weirdo and said “Sorry for your loss”. She says “Thank you ... but I have a favour to ask. I know it’s weird and I’ll understand if you don’t want to, but can you give me a hug and say ‘Bye Mama’?”

Inside I was like ‘HELL NO you crazy bitch’ but I know people have different ways of getting over a loss so I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves.

The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $278.45 and I’m like, ‘Hold up. I just bought a few things and I knew it should have been like $20-ish.

The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my mum’s. I’m like “WTF?!” She said “Your mum said you were paying for her stuff along with your things. I told her that that woman was NOT my mum.

She said “Well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama!”. I’m like OMFG! I can’t believe this! I flew out of the store looking for this awful woman, ready to drag her back in the store by her hair when I find her!!!

I see her loading up her car and I started running towards her. She saw me and jumped in her car so fast. I got to her just as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling on her leg. She kicked and struggled but I kept pulling until her WOODEN LEG popped off right into my hands!!

I’m thinking WHAAAAAAT THE... ? Is this really happening right now? So I dropped the wooden leg and grabbed her other leg and started pulling ... just like I’m pulling yours right now!