Chapter 172

These are from a friend of J & G:

Darren marries this girl, and they go on their honeymoon. He leaves the room the first night to go down to the lobby to get a pack of cigarettes. When he gets back, his bride is lying on the bed naked fucking one of the bellhops. Another one is under her, getting her in the ass. She’s sucking off the desk clerk, and she’s jerking off a cab driver and the dishwasher.

Darren screams “What the fuck are all these jerk-offs doing in here?”

She says “Well, you always knew I was a flirt.”

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing.”

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator “And finally” she said “I do thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator.”

I went up to this really cute homeless girl and asked if I could take her home. She looked ecstatic until I picked up her box and started walking away.

Flying home from France on a recent trip I noticed a rather haggard looking mum walking into the customs area with eight children all under age 10. Collecting their many suitcases, the nine of them entered the cramped customs area.

A young customs official watched the large entourage in disbelief, “Ma’am,” he said, “do all these children and this luggage belong to you?”

“Yes, sir,” the lady said with a sigh, “they’re all mine.”

The customs agent began his interrogation “Ma’am, do you have any weapons, contraband or drugs in your possession?”

“Sir,” she calmly answered, “if I’d had any of those items, I would have used them by now.”

My wife asked me why I don’t play golf with Patrick anymore. So I asked her “Would you continue to play with a guy who always gets drunk, loses so many balls other groups are always playing through, tells lousy jokes while you are trying to putt, and generally offends everyone around him on the course?”

“Certainly not, dear” she replied.

“Well, neither would he.”

Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate, Saint Peter was waiting for him. After reviewing his records Saint Pete decided to let him in. “Follow me” he said, opening the gate and walking in.

After some walk, Saint Pete’s keys accidentally fell on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the keys. That was something the gay man just couldn’t resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing.

Saint Pete was furious. “If you do that again, you’ll go straight to hell! But follow me, we’re almost there.”

fter some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again, and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was even more furious than before, but was convinced to give the gay guy one last chance.