Chapter 166

These are compliments of Allan

A guy was crawling through the Australian outback, dying of thirst, and gasping, ‘water, water’. He looked up and saw a sign saying “Sisters of Mercy Convent”. He managed to crawl to the door, and banged on it. When a nun opened the door he gasped, “Water, please, I’m dying of thirst”.

The nun said, “We don’t have water, but we do have tea brewed from a koala bear.”.

The guy said, “Anything, I’m dying of thirst”.

The nun gave him a big mug of the tea, he gulped it, and gagged on koala nails and koala fur and koala bones.

When he stopped choking, he asked her, “Couldn’t you get rid of all that junk, first?”

The nun smiled at him sadly and said, “Everyone knows that the koala tea of Mercy is not strained”.

I think that my wife is having sessions with the Devil on how to be more evil.

I don’t know what she’s charging him, though.

I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it’s because she’s cute with big brown eyes.

Actually, it’s because I would like someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle...

Wasn’t the Hellman’s company bought by the Chinese Communists?

That’s why their leader was called Mayo Tse Tung

A quote I saw...”The media have all the veracity of the Saturday Morning Cartoons - Without the gravitas of Yosemite Sam”.

People ask me, “What’s the secret to a long and happy marriage?”

Well, I can tell you the secret to a long one...

In an elementary school, art class. the teacher tells the children to draw anything that reminds them of Beethoven, the famous composer

one kid draws sheep and the teacher asks him why “reminded me of pastoral symphony” says the kid another kid draws moon and the stars “moonlight sonata”, the kid explains the third kid draws a huge dick the teacher goes nuts “I told you, this was supposed to be about Beethoven. explain yourself!” and the kid says “für Elise”