Chapter 161

Frankly, I do not think that No. 1 is a good comparator; however, it has some theoretical validity

These three statements tell you a lot about our culture:

1. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics. Funny how that works.

2. We constantly hear about how CPP (Canada Pension Plan) is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare running out of money? What’s interesting is the first group “worked for” their money, but the second Didn’t.

3. Provincial Social Services (welfare payments) is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free money ever. Meanwhile, the Parks Branch, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” The stated reason for this policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”

That ends Today’s Lesson On Irony.

New Retirement Job At Wal-Mart...

To afford my ‘lifestyle’ I’ve been forced to seek employment to help pay the bills. In these tight economic times, you can’t really be too choosey about a job opportunity - You take what’s available when it’s available.

I never saw myself as a sales clerk helping out in women’s clothing, but you take what you can get on short notice!

Walmart hired me on the spot. Had a choice of two openings. A Walmart Greeter or an assistant in the Women’s Jean Dept. I just wanted to tell you myself, just in case your wives or girlfriends come to Walmart to try on jeans.

Kinda enjoyed my first day on the job. Now I’m thinking about making it ‘full time’ employment!

We all grow old in the end...

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet...

Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I’m not complaining because I am a Senager (Senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don’t have acne...

Life is great!

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.

Now, I’m wondering ... did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?