Chapter 160

From a Friend of J & G.

Teacher says to the class “Tell me a word beginning with “A”. Of course Billy says “Arse”. He gets told off and the teacher then asks for a word beginning with “B”. Jenny says “Bollocks”. Again she gets told off. The teacher decides to leave out “C” for obvious reasons and asks for a word beginning with “D”. Johnny calls out “Dwarf”. The teacher congratulates him and asks what a Dwarf is. Johnny replies “A short arsed cunt with massive bollocks and a cock that touches the floor!”

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”

Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet. Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks “What about you? Do you rule your roost?” The quiet guy says “Well, just the other night, my wife came to me on her hands and knees”. “What happened then?” they ask. “She said, ‘Get out from under the bed and fight like a man.’”