Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 16
These are compliments of Charm_Brights
“We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.”
NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive18, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings. The Contraceptive18 suite consists of three products: Condom18, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package.
The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive18 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive18 Small Business Edition is a package for start-ups, aimed at the housewife and Don Juan niches. While Contraceptive18 does not address non-traditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as BackDoor, AuraLee, TitElation, and JerkOff.
OPERATION
Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At installation, the Condom18 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, “It is now safe to turn off your partner”.
DRAWBACKS
Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time it’s used.
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