Chapter 159

New Ford truck

I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-150 aluminum pickup. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new truck “feel” before they become old. The salesperson (a nice looking lady wearing ‘I love Trudeau lapel pin’ sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its “wonderful” options. The seats were of particular interest.

She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat.

Feeling like messing with her, I mentioned that this must be CONSERVATIVE truck. Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a CONSERVATIVE truck.

I explained that “if it were a Liberal truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your ass year-round!”

I had to walk back to the dealership. But it was worth it.

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.

He says to the waiter:

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Sure. Coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee...

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, takes a selfie with his cell phone, then turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.

He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:

“Want coffee.”

The waiter says “Whoa! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?”

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

“Training for position in Trudeau’s Liberal government: Come in, drink coffee, get selfie, shoot the bull, leave shit for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.”

One day, the pope was in from Italy and after a rough week of meeting archbishops and other religious figures, he decided to go see the Galveston shore in Texas. When he arrives in his pope mobile, he sees a man struggling for his life against a shark. Upon a closer look he notices that it is John Kerry.

Horrified, he starts to call for help when a speedboat pulls up along side Mr. Kerry, with George W. Bush and Dick Cheney on board. Dick Cheney leans over and pulls him out. Then George W. Busy and Dick Cheney begin to beat the shark to death with baseball bats. The two men notice the Pope and land the boat on the beach.

The pope says to the men, “I know that there has been a lot of attention and a lot of strife in this election, but I can see that you two men respect each other and would help each other in their house of need. You have my blessings.” The pope packs off and drives out of site.

Bush asks, “Who was that?”

“That was the pope Mr. President, he is all knowing and in touch with God. Leader of the Catholic Church,” says Cheney.

Bush says, “Well that’s all neat and fine, but he doesn’t know anything about shark fishing. How’s the bait holding up?”