Chapter 157

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A dietician was once address in A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thingthat is the most dangerous of all and we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I’m referring to?, You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea.”

The man in the front row lowered his head and said, “Wedding cake.”

A guy falls asleep on the beac...

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn all over his body.

He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns on his legs.

He was starting to blister and in pain by the time the doctor arrived. To help, the doctor prescribed an IV with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The attending nurse was rather surprised by the prescription and asked, “What good will Viagra do him?”

The doctor replied, “It will keep the sheets off his legs.”

A recruit who wasn’t really m A recruit who wasn’t really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them.

Despondent, he said to the sergeant, “I think I’ll just go and shoot myself.”

The sergeant said, “Better take a couple of extra bullets!”

Little Johnny’s Confession The children were all lined up for their first confession when Little Johnny’s turn came. The priest asked him to confess his sins, and the boy promptly replied, “Father, I threw a stone at Jimmy.” “That was a very misguided thing to do, my son,” said the priest patiently. “It wasn’t misguided at all,” said Little Johnny. “I hit him.”

Little Johnny learns to count...

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

“Yes,” he says, “I do. My father taught me.”

“Good. What comes after three.”

“Four,” answers little Johnny.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?”

Little Johnny smiles and says, “Jack.”

Three men were discussing at a...

Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, “ my wife was reading a “tale of two cities” and she gave birth to twins”

“That’s funny”, the second man remarked, “my wife was reading ‘the three musketeers’ and she gave birth to triplets”

The third man shouted, “Good God, I have to rush home!”

When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, “ When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves”!!!

Dinner Plans Daisy whispered in her husband’s ear, “Ask my mother about dinner.”

Donald, her husband, obediently asked, “Mother-in-law, did you have dinner at home or would you like to go back home and have it?”