Chapter 153

These are compliments of Fmwarmac

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo ‘Merry Christmas,’ and on the inside of the other one they tattooed ‘Happy New Year.’” Perplexed, he asked, “Why did you do that?” “Well,” she replied, “now you can’t complain that there’s never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!”

Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

London Pro ... Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, “Hey! The sign says you’re open 24 hours.” He Said, “Yes, but not in a row!”

Yo mama is so ugly she made my happy meal cry

I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.

Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal’s daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! Walks away

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

Two women are walking home from the bar, they both have to piss so they slip into a nearby cemetery. One uses her panties to wipe herself, and the other uses a wreath off a head stone.

Next night the husbands met at the bar, one looks at the other and says “I’m gonna have to watch my wife, she came home with no panties last night.” The other one says “Oh well, mine came home with a card wedged in her ass saying “You were loved and will be missed by the whole entire fire department.”