Chapter 151

These are compliments of Fmwarmac ‎

Blonde: “What does IDK stand for?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”

Yo momma is so fat when she went to KFC the cashier asked, “What size bucket?” and yo momma said, “The one on the roof.”

Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn’t find the “CALL” button.

Yo momma’s so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Yo momma is so stupid she climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

Q: Why can’t a blonde dial 911?
A: She can’t find the eleven

Q: How does a black girl tell if she is pregnant?
A: When she pulls the tampon out all the cotton is picked.
Q: What do you call white people running down a hill?
A: An avalanche.
Q: What do you call Mexicans running down a hill?
A: A mudslide.
Q: What do you call black people running down a hill?
A: A jail break.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them.

The brunette is called up. She says, “Ready, aim, tornado!” Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away.

Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says, “Ready, aim, earthquake!” Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away.

Then it’s the blonde’s turn, who says, “Ready, aim, fire!”

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there.

When asked if they would have sex with Bill Clinton, 86% of women in D.C. said, “Not again.”

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: one to change it and another one to change it back again.

Did you hear about Monica Lewinsky becoming a Republican? The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.

After numerous rounds of, “We don’t know if Osama is still alive,” Osama himself decided to send Ted Kennedy a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Kennedy opened the letter which appeared to contain a single line of coded message, 370HSSV-0773H. Kennedy was baffled, so he e-mailed it to John Kerry. Kerry and his aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. Noone could solve it at the FBI, so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning, the FBI finally asked Marine Corps Intelligence for help. Within a few seconds the Marine Corps cabled back with this reply, “Tell Kennedy he’s holding the message upside down.”

George W. Bush and his VP running mate, Dick Cheney, were talking, when George W. said, “I hate all the dumb jokes people tell about me.”

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss, said sage-like, “Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

Cheney took George W. outside and hailed a taxi driver. “Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said Cheney.

The cab driver, without saying a word, drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, Cheney looked at George W. and said, “See! That guy was really stupid!”

“No kidding,” replied George W., “There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”

Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?
A: Senator.

Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn’t understand her request, so he says, “Come again.”

Monica responds, “No, this time it’s mustard.”

What happens when you give a politician Viagra? He gets taller.

Bill Clinton is no longer playing the saxophone. He is now playing the whore-Monica.

The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!