Chapter 147

King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the great wizard was showing him his latest creation. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place which made it basically useless.

“This is no good, Merlin!” the King exclaimed, “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect my lady, the Queen, when I’m on a long quest?”

“Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon a lengthy Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal ‘short arm’ inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “You are my one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours.”

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

At Friday night services, Morris went to his friend Irving and said, “Irving, I need a favor - I’m sleeping with the rabbi’s wife. Can you hold him in temple for an hour after services for me?” Irving not very fond of the idea, but being Morris’ lifelong friend, he reluctantly agreed.

After services, he struck up a conversation with the rabbi asking him all sorts of stupid questions in an effort to keep him occupied. After some time, the wise rabbi became suspicious and asked, “Irving what are you really up to with all this?”

Irving, filled with feelings of guilt and remorse, confessed to the rabbi “I’m sorry Rabbi, my friend Morris is sleeping with your wife right now and asked me to keep you occupied.”

The wise rabbi smiled and, putting a brotherly hand on Irving’s shoulder, said “Irving I think you’d better hurry home, my wife died two years ago!”