Chapter 142

This is compliments of Pepere

Now We Know Why He Was a General

In an interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.

The General said, “I believe that forgiving them is God’s function ... OUR job is to arrange the meeting.”

Dana Perino (FOX News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries that he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages?

“Oh, no ma’am. We don’t go there to talk.”

Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai.

Iranian Air Defense Site: ‘Unknown aircraft, you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.’

Air Defense Site: ‘You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace, we will launch interceptor aircraft!’

Aircraft: ‘This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 Fighter. Send ‘em up, I’ll wait!’

Air Defense Site: ( ... Total silence)

CAUTION - THE FOLLOWING ARE HIGHLY OFFENSIVE! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The next line is from the submitter ... Coward!!!!

Very funny. I am not putting on my joke list as I want to live a bit longer. LOL.

Why can’t Helen Keller Drive?
A: Because she’s a woman.

Q: Why shouldn’t you buy a woman a watch?
A: Because there’s a clock on the stove.

A man comes home and says to his wife, “Honey, I just won the Lottery. Pack your bags.”
The wife responds, “Should I pack for warm weather or cold?”
“I don’t care. Just be out of the house by noon.”

Q: How can you tell a macho women?
A: She rolls her own tampons.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job will still suck.

Q: What did the redneck girl say after she lost her virginity?
A: “Roll over, Daddy, you’re crushing my cigarettes.”