Jokes and Giggles Part Two
Copyright© 2017 by Jack Spratt
Chapter 140
The following are compliments of Mike S
Back in the olden days, Queen Elizabeth 1 was always on the lookout for a viral man for her bed. If the male in question didn’t satisfy her, the next thing was a trip to the tower and ‘off with his tackle’ so to speak.
Anyway Sir Walter Raleigh having just returned from a sea voyage was summoned to attend her bedchamber.
Knowing the fate of others before him and as his ship was being refitted, he cut off 3 feet from the bottom of the main mast, hid it under his cloak and proceeded to attend her majesty.
Blowing out as many candles as he could, he slipped into her bed, warmed her up then slipped the cut off mast in giving her a god fucking.
“Ohhh!” She cried, “Starting with your little finger, how quaint.”
A man goes to her doctor complaining that his sex life wasn’t as good as it was some years ago. No matter what he tried he couldn’t get any response from his wife.
The doctor checked him over, asked what he tried on her then agreed that she was losing interest.
“have some special tablets that you can give her, guaranteed to really get her totally feminine and give you everything you could possibly wish for in a woman.”
So that night he slipped one into her evening hot chocolate and off she went to bed.
‘If these tablets are as good as the doc says’ he thought, ‘I better take one as well to keep up.’
So he took one off he went to find out if these pills worked.
She was lying on the bed dressed in some sexy underwear saying “I really need a man.”
To which he replied, (in a falsetto voice) “And so do I.”
Bus driver, new to the route, had to pick up from an exclusive girls school.
As the young ladies got on, one exclaimed in a posh, condescending voice. “Driver, please wipe up that H2O on the floor.”
The driver smirked as he said ‘That’s not H2O, darling that’s K9P.”
A young man was rapidly approaching his wedding day, but he didn’t have a clue how to perform. Oh he knew what to do, as his mates had told him, “Stick it in, in and out, pull it out and wipe it.” This didn’t seem right, he wanted to satisfy his new bride on the wedding night, so he went to see the old man of the town for some advice.
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